Dating in a Holy Way: A Gentle Guide for Young Women Just Starting Out

Dating can feel exciting, confusing, nerve-wracking, and hopeful—all at the same time. If you’re a young woman just beginning to date, you may be wondering how your faith fits into it all. What does it mean to date in a holy way? Is it about rules? Perfection? Never making mistakes?

The good news is this: holy dating is not about fear or pressure—it’s about freedom, wisdom, and learning to love the way God loves.

1. Start With Your Identity, Not a Relationship

Before you ever step into dating, it’s important to know who you are. Your value does not come from being chosen, pursued, or desired by someone else. Your worth was already established by God.

“You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” — Psalm 139:14

Dating from a place of insecurity can lead you to tolerate things you were never meant to accept. Dating from a place of identity allows you to make choices rooted in confidence, not fear of being alone.

Ask yourself:

• Do I know that I am loved by God first?
• Am I seeking a relationship to fill a void, or to share a full life?

A holy approach to dating begins with knowing you are already whole.

2. Understand the Purpose of Dating

Dating isn’t about proving your worth, collecting attention, or rushing toward marriage out of pressure. At its healthiest, dating is a season of discernment—learning about another person while learning more about yourself.

Holy dating asks different questions than the world often does:

• Does this relationship draw me closer to God or further away?
• Am I becoming more loving, patient, and kind—or more anxious and compromised?
• Do we share core values, not just chemistry?

Attraction matters, but character matters more.

3. Set Boundaries That Protect Your Heart

Boundaries are not walls; they are guardrails. They help you stay aligned with your values and protect your emotional and spiritual health.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23

Holy boundaries might include:

• Being clear about your physical limits
• Paying attention to emotional attachment
• Not sacrificing your convictions to keep someone interested

Boundaries are not about punishment or restriction—they are about peace.

4. Pay Attention to Red Flags—and Green Ones Too

Dating in a holy way means using wisdom, not just feelings. Infatuation can be loud; discernment is often quiet.

Red flags to take seriously:

• Pressure to compromise your values
• Disrespect, manipulation, or inconsistency
• A lack of accountability or humility

Green flags to look for:

• Kindness, patience, and self-control
• Respect for your faith and boundaries
• A willingness to grow and take responsibility

A person who truly cares for you will never ask you to become smaller, quieter, or less faithful.

5. Invite God Into the Process

Holy dating does not mean you have everything figured out—it means you’re willing to pray, pause, and listen.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” — Proverbs 3:5

Pray for clarity, wisdom, and peace. Ask God to help you see people clearly—not through fear or fantasy, but through truth.

God is not waiting for you to fail. He is walking with you as you learn.

6. Give Yourself Grace

You will make mistakes. You may ignore a warning sign or stay longer than you should. That does not disqualify you or diminish your faith.

Holiness is not perfection—it’s direction.

Each experience can teach you something valuable if you allow it to. God’s grace is sufficient, even in your learning seasons.

Final Encouragement

Dating in a holy way is less about following a checklist and more about cultivating a heart that seeks wisdom, truth, and love.

You don’t need to rush. You don’t need to settle. You don’t need to earn love.

The right relationship will complement the work God is already doing in you—not compete with it.

Take your time. Trust God. And remember: you are deeply loved—right now, just as you are.

-XoXo Jess